Tuesday, December 8, 2009

It's the not knowing that's the hardest...

I'm having a deja vu moment with my infant daughter. This was the time three years ago when I was feeling utterly overwhelmed by my son's expressiveness. What was causing his frustrations? How could I help him? What could I do to fix it? Is it hunger? Is it fatigue? Is it teething? There are so many unknowns in these early months. So many attempts to communicate on both ends to find meaning and understanding. It's hard. Baby girl is an amazing communicator and I usually feel that we are connecting but some times I'm at a loss and in those moments I feel like a parenting failure and worse a BAD mom.
Admittedly I am doing things differently this second time around. I have mustered a bit more confidence but my insecurities and my uncertainties definitely flair up more often then I'd like to admit.
One of the big things I am working on differently with baby girl is the whole sleep thing. There are a gazillion opinions out there when it comes to this issue. I am a firm believer in doing what feels right and most comfortable and compatible to your parenting style. I am working through this for myself I realized I have certain issues with crying that brought up so much unearthed baggage I have still not completely looked at. I am at least aware this time that I have these issues. I am trying desperately to let this lead me response to baby girls needs especially at sleeping times. She is teaching me and my husband has been an incredible supporter when I get stuck or feel compelled to give in to my quick fixes (that usually live me physically, mentally, emotionally drained) NOTE TO ALL MAMAS: it is never good for a mama to continually do things that leave her mentally, physically and emotionally drained this WILL affect the whole family. Both my lovelies are sleeping now. I am thankful for this reflection time.
"Knowing yourself is not so much about introspection and interaction. To know yourself is to realize that you are more than the little self that has been given to you by your history — the pattern that others made — that your true self is, in truth, much larger and includes other people, other cultures, other species even. That life is less about being and more about interbeing. We come to know ourselves, then, through coming to know each other. And the deeper that knowledge, the richer and more creative the world we build together."-Danny Martin. (note: I don't know who Danny Martin is but I love this quote).

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