Friday, December 18, 2009
My ds notoriously slow to warm up to people. So much so it pains me. I feel like I turn into this mom that has to suddenly make excuses for her sons behavior. I feel like I have to apologize to the relatives for his refusal to say hello or give kisses. I try to be patience but inside I just want him to play along and be a sport. I am and have always been (that I can remember) the good girl and of course I would feel like playing along with what others want is the right thing to do but suddenly this evening it dawned on me that I need to unconditionally be my sons advocate. Instead of joining in (as subtle as I think I am being) on the teasing and the demands for his doing what he clearly does not want to do. I am so not good at this and where has acquiesing to other people got me in life. Not very far. Yes, I am often viewed as a nice person but being nice isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Sometimes there is no power in being nice.
I wish I could take back tonight and allow ds to be in his own rhythm so much more than he did. Because of my own false expectations and people pleasing ways I began to push him to hug people he didn't want to hug, to give kisses that he didn't want to give and to be in pictures that he didn't want to be in. I felt like I needed to get him out of the stubborn/oppositional state he was being in. My intentions were not totally self-serving or based on relieving me of my annoyances I want him to feel comfortable and confident around anyone and everyone. How do I best achieve these goals. It hit me. By allowing him to be who he needs to be and standing by him as long as he is hurting no one. Does this make sense?