Overwhelmed by bedtime tears

It seems these days I cannot lay DD down for nap or bedtime without intense crying. It is painful to hear and as I decide to approach sleep with more confidence than DS I am having a hard time hearing her cry.

Backstory, I almost never let DS cry if I could help it. I leaned strongly toward attachment parenting and truthfully eventually felt like I was enabling. To this day DS requires parental help to go to sleep. Actually, it's much improved. I thought I would try sleep cues this time and really pay attention to her rhythms and help her develop a sense of routine in her sleep habits. It works for the most part and I believe she is far more rested than DS ever was but it comes at a price of intense tears almost screams some days and I'm not sure what to do. It seems that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't because she'll cry sometimes even if I stay bc she is so tired AND mama needs rest too. I would happily hold her all night or let her nurse all night if I could rest at the same time but, well, you can imagine. I am really at a loss. Thinking a lot about Ferber.